|A History of Cricball|
|The First Epoch...|
|The sport of Cricball was invented by a young pair of English brothers, Willum and Edmond Hall back in mid 19th Century. It was not however founded as a sport, but as a punishment. It was thought 'a most heinous greivance' to have a ball smacked at your person in this age, and this brand of retribution was used by the gangs of North London's Tuffs (of which Edmond and Willum were 'made' boys). Largely existing underground, this pioneering group of young Tuffs trawled the mean streets of Victorian London issuing bum-flicks and cruel taunts to those who stood in the way of the creation of a Cricball empire. On the 13th of December 1861 came the incident which would change forever the face of the sport we know and love...|
|An eager new Tuff by the name of Ricky 'the mad-tuff' Lake appeared on the scene, anxious to make a name for himself in this cruel new world. Willum and Edmond demanded that young Ricky proved himself to be worthy of joining the established order by committing a heinous crime. After several seconds of thought, Ricky stormed the Royal Palace of Queen Victoria, and challenged Prince Albert to an unsanctioned Cricnall bout. Little did the Queen know that Albert 'the bear strangler of Germany' was a Cricball lover and was the proud owner of a right foot that would rival that of contemporary players such as Sir Clive Anderson. The two figures met in Kew Gardens at the stroke of midnight, ready to let battle commence. Albert started the game superbly and was 24-0 up, when Ricky decided to take matters into his own hands. In a vicous rage, having just been called 'bitchtits' by Prince Albert, he ran headlong at the Royal Ruffian screaming "I'll show you bitchtits!". And with a vice-like grip, he wrenched the right nipple of the dumbfounded monarch with devastating results. It turns out that Albert had a particular sexual turn on - if his nipples were tweaked with just the right amount of pressure he would slip into a heightened state of sexual ecstasy. Young Ricky's impetouous actions had been fatal for the lust crazed Albert; the sexual ecstasy was all too much for his simple German brain to handle as he collapsed dead onto the floor with a huge grin on his face and a tent in his trousers, his heart having literally collapsed. Ricky scarpered never to be seen again.|
|Young Edmond looks delighted at having set such a demanding test for Ricky 'the mad Tuff' Lake|
|"Hmmmm...My nipples! How delicious!"|
|The next day, Willem and Edmond were brought to
stand before Queen Victoria. Distraught after the death of her husband,
she decreed that Cricball should be banned for a period of 140 years, and
nipple twisting past an angle of 180 degrees should be made illegal.
Willem, Edmond and their families should be banished to the west country
where it was hoped that they would spend the remainder of the days in
rain-soaked country side, never to kick a ball in anger ever
In honor of her husband, she erected a monument to him, and created the rumour that his death was caused by a bout of typhoid.
Cricball was buried in the sands of time, never to be found again...or so it would have been...
|Part 2 - The Revival|