|How to play...|
|Cricball is the sport of kings. The object of the game is to outscore the opposing team over the course of two innings. But how does one score I hear you all cry? All will be revealed!|
|1. The Field of Play|
|The black lines signify the two goals (football size and regulation). The object of the game is to put the ball (a football of regulation size and shape) into the goal. The number of points gained by this wondrous achievement is dependent upon the area of the pitch from which the player shoots. I.e. If the player shoots from the line marked '1', he or she gains 1 run for the team, and if he or she shoots the '2' line, their team gains 2 runs. I think you get the idea.|
|2. How the
Game is Played
· The two team captains meet in the centre of the pitch, and the match is initiated by the tossing of a coin. The victor of the toss chooses whether to shoot first or which end to shoot into.
· Each team must consist of an equal number of players. CRICBALL IS A UNISEX SPORT, AND THEREFORE TEAMS CAN BE MADE UP OF ANY COMBINATION OF WOMEN, MEN AND LADYBOYS. Each innings is started with the team's opening batsman shooting for a run. To begin a player's innings he/she must shoot from the line marked '1'. If he/she succeeds in putting the ball into the goal (past the opposing team's goalkeeper) who will do their damndest to stop it), he/she has the option to move to the next line on the pitch from which to shoot on their next attempt. Unfortunately the situation is made harder for the batsman thanks to the presence of one tiny rule: he/she may only shoot from the '1' line twice in a row. They must then attempt to shoot from a line of higher value. If successful, the batsman has the right to return to the '1' line. NB every time a goal is scored, the scorer is expected to perform an excessive ritual of celebration. If this fails to materialize, the keeper has the right to administer a 10 second Chinese burn/nipple twist to the scorer.
· When the player misses the target, or the ball is saved by the keeper, then the batsman is out. The team's next batsman comes into 'bat' and the pattern continues until all of the team's batsmen are out. This concludes a team's first innings. The other team will then have their first innings, which will take place at the opposite end of the pitch. On completion of the first innings by both teams, the teams will swap ends of the pitch.
· In exactly the same manner as the first innings, the teams will complete their second innings. The winner is the team that has scored the most runs over the two innings. If there is no outright winner, the teams will line up together at one end of the pitch. On the umpire's whistle a race (the likes of which you've never seen before) will be held to decide the winner. The victorious team will be the one whose members all reach the other end of the pitch first. Cheating is permitted (i.e. tripping, verbal abuse and bum flicking).
Psyche-outs are a form of mental abuse (some might say torture) that play an integral part of the game, and are a vital tool in any team's winning strategy. The psyche-out is administered while the batsman is preparing to shoot or actually in the process of shooting. The defending players who can perform the psyche-outs are:
· The goalkeeper
· 1 Defender (who must stand on the line from which the batsman is shooting, and must be at least 5 metres away from the batsman at all time)
The defender can be switched at between points, as it is very easy to run out of inspiration when looking for that killer psyche-out! The umpire (if applicable)'s permission must be sought first.
It is quite acceptable for a defender to cruelly jeer or taunt the batsman if they happen to miss. They clearly deserve it.
Deep personal insults are not only allowed, but very much encouraged.
|A successful psyche-out|
|A fine display of physical psyche-outs|
|4. Man of
In order to decide who is the MOTM, an arm wrestle will take place between the following two players:
· The batsman who has made the most runs during the game
· The defender who administered the highest number of successful psyche-outs.
This contest is very important, as the losing team must each buy the MOTM a drink of his/her choice (the preference of many-a-previous winner has been a foaming pint of nut brown ale). NB No Babycham - booze for babies.
|A classic man-of-the-match decider between Paul Hogan and Perry Groves, which Perry duly won, and had 17 pints of nut-brown-ale bought for his consumption|